RAW this week starts with Vince coming out to the ring, Coach in tow. JR and King are wondering who Vince’s bastard is.
Vince says five weeks ago he was embarrassed to find out he’d sired an illegitimate child. The crowd gives him major heat. The next he finds out the person is a current WWO… Try that again. The tells the fans to shut up. He finds out the person is male and works for him. The person who gave birth to his son could have been private about it, but she had to go public and cryptic with “Things are looking up.”
“You suck” chant.
Vince says Coach does not suck. He says he’s happy his son’s not from Green Bay. Kennedy hails from Green Bay. Vince has Coach rip up the most recent WWE magazine. Kennedy should be suspended for impersonating a McMahon. But, now’s the time to find out who his son is.
Khali’s music plays and out he comes with his interpreter. Vince has a huge smile on his face. Vince introduces Khali. The fans boo.
Khali speaks in his own language and gets “what’s” from the fans. The interpreter says he has some insight into all this. “Things are looking up” can only mean one thing. Khali said he would be honored to be called The Great McMahon.
JBL comes out with a huge grin on his face. Vince is grinning too. JBL says Vince is a great visionary and doesn’t have to take the words literally. What does Vince and JBL love the most? Money! They shake hands. He says to put Big Gulp on a leash – meaning Khali. JBL says looking at his portfolio, things are looking up. They are both self-made millionaires. Vince is now a billionaire, JBL will be. They are both sexual tyrannosauruses. Vince owns wrestling. JBL is a wrestling god. They both go to the same barber in New York City. He would be honored to change his name from JBL to JBM.
Jeff Hardy’s music and he dances out. Vince doesn’t look as happy, more amused.
Coach asks Jeff what he’s doing.
Jeff says he’s not sure. He knows his Dad, loves his Dad. But he’s been getting strange messages all week. When he goes for his swanton, the fans are looking up.
Vince says he doesn’t look anything like Matt. Vince says he could be his son.
Jeff says he hopes not. Unlike the other guys, he’s just waiting to be told he’s not Vince’s son. He doesn’t have to go around telling all where he gets his sweet hair cuts. JBL gets testy and tells off Jeff and Khali.
The bad black lawyer/actor from last week is on the titan tron.
Vince demands to know who his son is.
The guys says Vince will find out who his son is tonight, but not before his client is good and ready.
Vince wants to know if his son is in the ring.
He says his son is not Jeff Hardy.
Jeff screams, “Praise the lord!”
Vince is pissed at that and puts Jeff in a match. It’s against Khali!
– Commercial
Slam Of The Week – London and Kendrick beat Haas and Benjamin last week for the honor to face Cade and Murdoch. Cade and Murdoch enter the ring to shake their hands.
London and Kendrick enter the ring. London is wrestling. They show pictures of the wrestlers on their African tour last week. Cade and Murdoch come out. Cade is wrestling. JR and King talk about voting on the Diva Search.
they lock up and London is backed into a corner. They lock up again and London gets a hammer lock on Cade. Cade gets a side headlock on London. Inverted atomic drop on Cade. London runs into the ref and then into a clothesline for two. Cade covers again for two. Suplex onto London for another two. Kendrick gets the fans pumped. London gets backed into a corner, the ref yells at Cade. London comes off the top in a high missel drop kick for two. High back body drop to London for two. Another slam to London for two. London gets sat up top, Cade climbs. London punches him down.
London distracts the ref when Kendrick runs in, hits sliced bread on Cade and then London covers for three.
– Winner: London
HHH is out back writing on a chalk board. He looks goofy, turns it around and puts it in front of a shirt. It’s advertising his new shirt. He grins and leaves. (I love it when Trip is in full on DH goofiness – really shows great personality.)
– Commercial
JR and King talk about Unforgiven and how the Hardy’s won the tag titles in 2002.
Video of Vince telling Orton to prove he should have a title shot. Orton then attacked Cena Sr. Regal was in the ring talking about it, then Cena came down and beat Regal to a pulp.
The security is all outside watching for Cena who’s barred from the arena.
Vince and Coach are out back. Vince asks about Regal. Coach says Regal isn’t ready to come back. Coach says he banned Cena from the arena last night. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen to him. Vince says there’s no way he’ll be made a fool of by this woman tonight. Coach says the fans have been voting on who they think Vince’s son might be. The number two winner is right outside. Coach brings in Stevie Richards. Vince laughs hysterically and says the fans are way off.
Vince asks who number one was. Coach doesn’t want to say. He finally says it’s HHH. Vince looks pissed.
King says the fans actually think HHH is Vince’s son. They talk about Trip being from New Hampshire. They laugh.
They go on to talk about how HHH used his sledge on Umaga last week and tore him apart.
Grisham is out back with Carlito who will face HHH at Unforgiven. Carlito isn’t worried. Carlito gets to pick HHH’s opponent tonight. It’s someone who’s beaten HHH. After the match Carlito’s going to prove he’s HHH’s daddy.
– Commercial
HHH comes out to huge pop. Shelton comes out to face him, Carlito by his side. JR doesn’t remember Shelton having two victories over HHH. But the first time they faced up Shelton won.
A blond Shelton gets tossed down. “HHH” chant. They exchange blows and Shelton goes down. Shelton gets tossed shoulder first into the ring post. An arm bar and hard arm pull to Shelton. Then an arm wringer from HHH. Shelton gets sent to the ring post again, he rolls from the ring. HHH leaves the ring and yells at Carlito. HHH picks up Shelton, tosses him over the table and he lands in Carlito’s lap.
– Commercial
Shelton had a head lock on HHH, on the mat, in the center of the ring. A spin kick during the commercial gave Shelton the upper hand. A DDT to HHH. Shelton covers for two. A side head lock on HHH. HHH tries for a pedigree but can’t do it. Shelton hits a spring board off the top and covers HHH for two. Shelton gets another head lock on Trip in the middle of the ring. HHH gets out and drives his shoulder into Shelton’s gut in a corner. Shelton hits a clothesline and both are down for six. They exchange blows. HHH hits a high knee. Shelton gets whipped and HHH follows it with a clothesline. HHH hits a clothesline.
Carlito gets to his feet and yells a lot. HHH hits a pedigree and covers for three.
– Winner: HHH
Carlito rushes in with a chair. HHH gets the chair away and goes after him with it. Carlito runs from the ring.
Coach comes out and says the match at Unforgiven is a No DQ Match, for Carlito only. HHH can’t use any weapons at all. If he does, he loses the match.
Carlito says that’s cool.
Again showing all the security outside. An SUV shows up and they let it through.
Orton is out back, heading for the ring.
– Commercial
Orton comes down to the ring. Video of Cena beating the hell out of Regal last week.
Orton has a mic and looks around at the security around the ring. He thinks Cena is at home watching. He might be with his father, on the couch, right now. The light are dimmed down, the volume low as his father’s head is throbbing. But, turn it up, so he can hear what Orton has to say. This Sunday, at Unforgiven it will be the one year anniversary of Cena winning the WWE Title. He became the champ because he had a clear head and was focused. But, back then, it wasn’t personal. Now it’s a bit different. When Orton kicked his father in the face he not only injured his head, but got into Cena’s head. Orton will capitalize on that. Orton says he’s not a mean guy…
The fans start going wild as Cena comes through the crowd. Security can’t stop him and he enters the ring to attack Orton. Orton gets away and security line up to stop Cena from going up the ramp. About ten of them try to keep Cena back. “Cena” chant. Cena keeps trying to get through.
Coach and Vince are out back. Coach says he banned him from the arena. Vince tells Coach to do his job and wishes Regal was there.
Cena and security come rushing up. Vince gets in Cena’s face. Cena tells him he’s talking to him as a man, not his boss. A man who loved his father. Now he knows what he’s going to do to Orton. He will feel pain and vengeance in his bones. That, Vince, is something even he can understand. Cena then leaves.
– Commercial
Candice Michelle comes out in a gold, spangled, bikini top and gold pants. She’s also in high hells. She sits at the announce table. Mickie James comes bouncing out in blue jeans and a barely boob covering blue top. Jillian comes out in black pants in a pink halter. Candy talks about how Beth has 50lbs on her and it’s all muscle.
They lock up but Jillian comes back with a clothesline. Jillian cart-wheels and back blocks into Mickie in a corner. Mickie slams Jillian to the mat. They exchange blows. Mickie hits a neck breaker for two. Mickie gets whipped but gets an elbow up. Jillian slams Mickie to the mat with an electric chair. Jillian pulls hair. A kick to Jillian’s gut followed by a round house kick and Mickie covers for three.
– Winner: Mickie James
Beth rushes in black pants, black corset and black boots to attack Mickie from behind. Beth then takes Jillian out. Mickie gets tossed from the ring. Candy rushes in and attacks Beth. Beth gets Candy up in the air in her famous hold. Candy get slammed to the mat, then Beth leaves.
– Commercial
WWE Rewind – Santino cuts down the fans last week. Sandman comes down and beats up Santino after some nasty comments.
Santino comes down to the ring – guess he didn’t get suspended as was suspected. He’s actually wrestling tonight. He grabs a mic, but it doesn’t work. He gets another one and says it’s a sad time for him and all of Italy after the loss of Pavarotti. At least he passed away before having to see Stone Cold in the Condemned. He doesn’t understand our culture and our need for mindless violence. Sandman’s music hits and he comes through the crowd. Santino says he’s ready to fight tonight, but not with the stick – he falls all over his words through this.
Santino attacks as Sandman enters the ring. Sandman fights back. Sandman falls and holds his ankle/leg – though it didn’t look like anything. Santino attacks it. Santino goes for a splash but Sandman gets his knees up. Santino leaves the ring and Sandman flies over the top. Sandman kind of lands on his head, but the leg seems to hurt more.
Santino grabs Sandman’s cane. The ref calls for a DQ.
– Winner: Sandman Via DQ
Santino leaves up the ramp while Sandman holds his leg in the ring. He looks like he might have hurt something.
– Commercial
Maria say to Ron that Santino hasn’t been the same since the Dating Game. Santino rushes up and attacks Ron. He says “Damn!” at Ron, then drags Maria off.
JR and King talk about the Diva Search and shows video of the Finalists. These girls actually seem athletic, more than just a lot of T&A.
JR and King talk over who will face who at Unforgiven.
Khali comes down to the ring, interpreter in tow.
– Commercial
Video of Khali beating down Rey Rey Rey Rey last Friday. Jeff Hardy comes out to face Khali.
“Hardy” chant. Jeff looks up at Khali, unsure of it all. Jeff kicks and punches Khali. Khali tosses Jeff down. Jeff runs into a clothesline. Jeff gets bounced off a corner face first. A huge elbow from Khali. Jeff runs up the corner and flies, but Khali side steps it. Khali uses a leg to take Jeff down. Khali just waits for Jeff to get up to put the vice grip on him. He squeezes the Jeff head “Like it’s a rainbow haired grape” as said by JR.
Khali changes his grip, but holds on. “Hardy” chant. Khali tosses him down, puts a foot on Jeff’s chest for the three count.
– Winner: Khali
The refs carefully roll Jeff from the ring.
Batista’s music and he comes out to good pop. Batista enters the ring and tackles Khali. Khali leaves the ring and Batista poses on a corner. Khali won’t re-enter the ring and looks a bit shocked.
– Commercial
Vince comes down to the ring, Coach is with him. All the male wrestlers follow to ring side. Vince looks them all over as they pass him. Even Hacksaw is out there. Viscera and Vince look at each other closely. HHH is last to the ring – in his new shirt.
Vince gets in the ring, as does Coach. Vince says that one of these men is privileged to be his bastard son. Who will claim the name of McMahon. He been waiting long enough. He wants the lawyer to tell him who his son is. He come sup on the titan tron. Before he can disclose who he is, the woman has a few things to state who is isn’t.
– He is not extreme.
Vince says that everyone from ECW is out. They all leave. Vince is glad it’s not Balls.
– He has a fondness for gold.
Coach says all the current and former champions can stay, the rest have to leave. Vince says Hacksaw is old enough to be his father.
– His son’s skin is fair.
If they’re not Caucasian, they leave. Vince has the rest get in the ring. Sandman is limping.
– His son’s skin is fair, as is his hair.
Anyone with blond hair stays, the rest have to leave. HHH is sitting in a corner. “Kennedy” chants.
– Individual…
His son is of individual gold. JBL, Sandman and Trip are in the ring. Vince says two out of the three could be disastrous.
– His son loves to play the game.
Vince looks at Trip. The other two leave. “Triple H” chants. They get face to face and glare. Vince says that if he’s his son…
HHH says he doesn’t like it any more than he does.
Vince says there’s something wrong with this. It’s not right.
– His son like to play the game, whether horse shoes, or like last week, marbles. His son is Hornswoggle!
Hornswoggle gets in the ring and dances around. HHH ruffles his hair. Vince looks like he’s about to barf. Hornswoggle hugs Vince’s leg. HHH is laughing hysterically. Vince keeps shaking his head. HHH takes Hornswoggle’s hat and puts it on Vince’s head.
Biggest pop
HHH
Batista
Jeff Hardy
Hornswoggle
Biggest heat
Vince
Orton
Khali